For whatever reason guy friends who have contemplated or are secretly contemplating suicide have a tendency to cross my path. They are strong, attractive and usually the most beautiful souls. These are the ones who maybe I saw great potential in, highly creative, highly intuitive, but yet highly lost in the world--in life--somehow. They struck out or ended up short of others' or their own expectations...and they are masters at masking their pain and heartache. Some buried themselves in drugs and alcohol, and sadly a couple of them couldn't find escape or face the world anymore, and took their lives.
In the aftermath of suicide, I will say a few things:
1. For the down-trodden dads: Those who have children who think their children are better off without them, don't need them, have been easily replaced or will be replaced by someone else, have failed their children, etc., have no idea the grief and turmoil they cause their children the rest of their children's lives if they kill themselves. I know first-hand, I had to tell my kids their dad was dead, and it has been a heart-wrenching road for them ever since.
When you kill yourself, you destroy your children's hope. You kill their hopes and dreams of time with you. No matter your situation, in the end, that's all they want is to see you. You could be the biggest loser in the world and they wouldn't care; they just want to be with you.
2. For the child-less men: Some of you feel too old to start a family or live the dreams you had. It's never too late.
3. For both: No matter your past, or financial situation, and I say this as a former homeless person to some of you possibly homeless, your situation can change. You have to see your worth and potential again, your gifts and strengths.
Maybe you are paying every dime to child support for kids you can't even see. Maybe you are in and out of treatment or jobs. Maybe you have physical disabilities now and can't work the physical labor jobs anymore, maybe you're on pain pills or just flat out always in pain.
I don't know why this is you. My guess is if you're reading this that hardly anyone knows you're going through this. It seems to be the most popular, well-liked guys, attractive guys or attractive personalities, the very talented and gifted men who carry such pain.
I see a few faces as I write this and I want to weep because I can see the possibilities that are there. I look at the faces and what I know of them & just see such beautiful souls, so many qualities, that they can't see anymore.
4. Do this for me please. My own son wouldn't even do it for a dollar that's how hard it is for people, and he is only 8, but look in the mirror right now and say something, even one thing, you like about yourself. Outloud. Say it.
5. Now, again something he wouldn't even do when bribed with money at first, say outloud that it's going to be a good day.
If you have gotten this far, receive this & say this to yourself when negative thoughts come or people year you down, these are just things I have said to my friends that got them thru hard times:
* You have a bright future. God, the universe, still has plans for you. I just know it.
* You still have amazing talents. Some of you have a real eye for aesthetics, some of you are highly knowledgeable in things I am terrible at, from wine snobs to fashion design, from music to art, you have gifts and talents. Forget about money for a second, what are your passions? What do you enjoy doing? What has always come naturally to you?
* When you laugh and smile, the room lights up and everyone wants to be your friend. There are still more for you than against you.
* You give the best hugs.
* You are quick to help others, often before yourself. You please so many people, or try to, and need to know people notice that. All your efforts and hard work is noticed.
* You are not a fuck up. The world is fucked up, life can be fucked up, court systems and laws can be fucked up, situations can be fucked up, loved ones dying can be fucked up, and you may feel you're slightly fucked up in the head, but we all are a little and even that doesn't make you a "fuck up."
* A chapter may be closed and over, but not your life. You are a precious gift to others. You are unique, and you have beautiful things about you that not many have. It's why you are so tormented, and get so depressed, because you are sensitive and not just to others but to the universe, to life, and you see things others don't see. It can be so overwhelming, but realize you see so much--take the focus off what you see and back in the mirror to realize it is because you're insightful.
* You are appreciated and loved. You might feel unloved, unappreciated, unvalidated, but people can sometimes suck at not saying their thoughts. Sometimes we get so focused on building people up, sharpening them, that we can come across critical. But you really are appreciated, you really are important to others.
I had a friend who was a bit of a player and I was kinda hard on him, kinda went overboard in letting him have it. It didn't erase his value as a friend or my appreciation for his friendship, all that he'd done for me, or how much I valued him. I just wanted him to show that side of himself to other women, but we're all human & make mistakes. Don't let your mistakes mar your mindset or your perception of how others see you. Even if you've been a jerk, you're a loved jerk.
